Thursday, December 20, 2007
I am done! And halfway through seminary! Looking at that last post, I feel like a whiny, spoiled little girl and I'm tempted to delete it. But I suppose this blog should display the real me, not just the sides of myself I feel ok about. To be honest, it probably wasn't the worst week of my life, but the mental tricks my brain played on me that week made me think it was. It's amazing what 13 hours a day in a cold, stark library does for one's psyche. Yuck. I have a new appreciation for Wes, who endures an incapacitating week like that once a month (and who is studying with Jesse at our dining room table for the 4th day in a row as I write this). I could never do it. Never, never.
The busyness of the last couple weeks have kept me from reflecting on Advent as much as I would have liked. Wes and I are still learning how to live in this whole church calendar business, and are excited and unsure about forming our own holiday traditions. This year brought more progress than last--we have a Christmas tree, an Advent calendar and have been reading Advent reflections (sporadically) and lighting our Advent candles each week.
I am reminded that our little traditions and my desire to do all the right things--attend lessons and carols, light the candle, etc.--are no substitute for the work of actually contemplating the coming of Christ. Ultimately, while my Christmas tree reminds me it's Christmastime, it doesn't point to Jesus. Of course, not much in this world does point to Jesus and that's really the point, isn't it? How am I supposed to celebrate the arrival of Christ whose incarnation made salvation possible and inaugurated the kingdom of God when the world is so &%@! up?! That is the question I've been asking myself this Advent. Not that I have an answer, other than to say that Advent is about just that--the waiting. We wait like an expectant mother anticipating her baby, wanting it right now and at the same time not wanting to interrupt her body's perfect timing. I am not good at waiting. But then again, I bet God's tired of waiting for us too:
"If it is true that God in Jesus Christ is waiting for our response to divine love, then we can discover a whole new perspective on how to wait in life. We can learn to be obedient people who do not always try to go back to the action but who recognize fulfillment of our deepest humanity in passion, in waiting. If we can do this, I am convinced that we will come in touch with the glory of God and our own new life." ~ Henri Nouwen, "The Spirituality of Waiting" (thanks Marcus!)
