Morning Rounds and Evening Musings

God who let Job put you to the test

God who endured the murmuring in the desert, the complaining of Jeremiah, the cries of the Psalmist

Stand trial before me 

God who allowed the shouts of 'crucify him, crucify him' 

God who subjected your son to human doubt, accusation and anger--even to the cross

God who does not squelch my anger or deny it, but answers it with reminders of your death and resurrection, your provision and your good creation

Answer me now, oh God who stands trial 

In the face of the persecuting crowds, you brought water from the rock, manna from heaven, restoration to Judah, comfort to the Psalmist, forgiveness from the cross

God of all patience, goodness and faithfulness, be patient with my prosecution and forgetfulness, be good in spite of my doubts and prove your faithfulness to me once more

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This prayer came to me while listening to a sermon yesterday.  The sermon was about the Israelites in the desert, who were constantly challenging God's character with their complaining.  That got me thinking about all the times in Scripture in which God is put to the test, and all the times that God allows humanity to come before him with accusations and disbelief--Job, Psalmist, many of the prophets, disciples, the trial before Pilate, etc. etc.  And isn't that what we all do? When I am afraid, when I worry about my future, when I can't predict the outcome, when I don't know where I'll be in a year, when I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life, when I don't believe we have enough stuff--all of these struggles are really struggles against God. God I don't think you provide, I don't think you're guiding me, I think you're silent, I think you're going to leave me alone. 

And maybe that's ok. It was ok for Job. It was ok for the Israelites. It was ok for Jeremiah, for the Psalmist.  Of course, God made certain their complaints did not go unanswered--"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundations?" "For I know the plans I have for you"  "Remember I am with you always, to the end of the age" 

It is not a good thing for me to question God's goodness when God has always been good to me.  But I am upset that God does not show up more often, I am worried and I do question where God is in all this vocational discernment, in the anxious questions of everyday life. I do wish it were easier to see God, even if it is only because of my own blindness that I don't.  But isn't it amazing that God is willing to stand up under my trials? That God listens to me? That God proves Godself time and time again in the face of human doubt and accusation?  What a God we serve! I for one, need to put God on trial sometimes, and I am thankful my God is willing to oblige.