Wednesday, August 27, 2008
I had lunch with a wonderfully irreverent Episcopal priest yesterday. She was the designated chaplain for me and my fellow discernment team as we went through DYVE this last year. Of course, I never really took advantage of her presence. But, she emailed us last week to hear what the decision with DYVE had been, and when I told her I had been recommended to the priesthood, but would most likely turn it down and was exploring non-profit, she got really excited.
This is big, because most people get really confused, or look like they're taking pity on me when I tell them I could be a priest, but don't know if I want to. Granted, it's sort of ridiculous to go through a year of a very trying discernment process only to turn down their recommendation--especially when most people are pining for that yes all the way through discernment.
Anyway, we went to lunch so that I could hear her story. Turns out, she also went through the ordination process all wrong, and didn't even start discernment until after she finished seminary. She went to an ecumenical seminary (not an Episcopal one like you're supposed to) and doesn't really care one bit about what the bishop thinks of her (church hierarchy is not my favorite thing, either...) Now, she works part-time at a non-profit, and is an associate priest at a parish.
I get so tired of hearing that I've done it wrong, that I'm crazy to say no to the priesthood, that I need to go to a school where I can get Episcopal formation, and that I need to fill the bishop in on my plans (like he even knows who I am). I'm tired of church people's idea that non-profit is a lesser calling (because it IS a calling!)
Also, I'm tired of worrying about this whole vocational question. I'm tired of feeling like I might not be in the center of God's will if I say no, or if I say yes. As if God's will is a like a straight and narrow road that it's far to easy to step off of. I hope God's will is more all-encompassing than that, and that God can accomplish whatever it is God wills no matter what desk I'm behind. I know God cares about me and about this vocational struggle, but I am not so arrogant as to think that God's will depends on me making a right decision (at least not when I'm being rational). Wouldn't we all be in trouble if that were the case?
Mostly, it's just nice to know I'm not alone.
